Managing Difficult Parties in Mediation

Dealing with tough situations in mediation can be a real challenge. Sometimes, people involved in a dispute just don’t get along, or they have very different ideas about what’s fair. It takes a skilled mediator to help everyone find common ground. This article looks at how mediators manage these tricky moments, focusing on managing difficult parties in mediation so that everyone has a chance to be heard and find a solution.

Key Takeaways

Mediators must stay neutral and build trust to manage difficult parties in mediation effectively. They use different approaches, like facilitative styles, to keep the process fair.
Recognizing common traits of high-conflict personalities and setting clear boundaries are key. Shuttle mediation can also help reduce direct clashes.
Handling emotional outbursts is important. Active listening, validating feelings, and finding ways for people to save face help de-escalate tension.
Mediators need to spot and address power differences between parties to make sure everyone gets a fair chance to speak and be heard.
Being aware of cultural differences and making sure the process is accessible to everyone is vital for successful mediation.

Understanding the Mediator’s Role in Managing Difficult Parties

Establishing Neutrality and Trustworthiness

The mediator’s job starts with building a solid foundation of trust. This means being completely neutral, not taking sides, and showing that you’re fair to everyone involved. It’s about creating a safe space where people feel heard and respected, even when they’re upset. Transparency about the process and the mediator’s role is key to this trust. Mediators achieve this by:

Being upfront about any potential conflicts of interest.
Explaining how the mediation process works and what parties can expect.
Maintaining a professional and respectful demeanor throughout.

Building trust isn’t just about what the mediator says, but also about how they act. Consistent fairness and a commitment to the process help parties feel more comfortable sharing their concerns.

The Mediator’s Approach to Facilitative Styles

When dealing with tough situations, a mediator often uses a facilitative style. This approach focuses on helping the parties communicate better and find their own solutions, rather than the mediator telling them what to do. It’s about guiding the conversation, asking good questions, and helping people see things from different angles. The goal is to help parties explore their underlying interests – the ‘why’ behind their positions – which often opens up more possibilities for agreement.

Maintaining Impartiality Throughout the Process

Staying impartial is non-negotiable for a mediator. It means actively avoiding any bias, whether conscious or unconscious, towards one party over the other. This involves:

Equal Airtime: Making sure each party has a fair chance to speak and be heard.
Balanced Questions: Asking similar types of clarifying or reality-testing questions to both sides.
Neutral Language: Using words that don’t assign blame or favor one perspective.

It’s easy for emotions to run high in mediation, and a mediator’s consistent impartiality acts as an anchor, keeping the process focused on resolution rather than escalating conflict.

Strategies for Navigating High-Conflict Personalities in Mediation

Dealing with people who tend to be in high conflict can be tough, even in a mediation setting. These individuals often have a history of disputes, and their communication can get pretty intense. It’s not uncommon to see a lot of distrust and very firm, unmoving positions. The mediator’s job here is to create a structure that helps manage this intensity.

Recognizing Common Features of High-Conflict Dynamics

High-conflict personalities often show up in mediation with a few key traits. They might have a tendency to escalate arguments quickly, making it hard to have a calm discussion. You’ll often see a deep-seated distrust of the other party, and sometimes even of the process itself. They might also bring up past grievances repeatedly, making it difficult to focus on current issues. It’s like they’re stuck in a loop of conflict.

Escalated communication: Conversations quickly become heated or accusatory.
Distrust: A general suspicion of the other party’s motives and intentions.
Entrenched positions: Difficulty moving from stated demands to underlying needs.
Repeated disputes: A pattern of recurring conflicts, often with the same parties.

Implementing Structured Agendas and Behavioral Boundaries

To keep things on track, a structured agenda is super helpful. This means clearly outlining what topics will be discussed and in what order. It gives everyone a roadmap and prevents the conversation from veering off into unproductive territory. Equally important are clear behavioral boundaries. This involves setting expectations for how people will speak to each other. For example, agreeing not to interrupt, to use respectful language, and to focus on the issues rather than personal attacks. These boundaries act like guardrails, keeping the interaction safe and productive.

Setting clear rules for behavior at the start can make a big difference. It’s not about controlling people, but about creating an environment where everyone feels safe enough to talk and listen.

Utilizing Shuttle Mediation for Reduced Confrontation

Sometimes, direct interaction between parties is just too difficult. That’s where shuttle mediation comes in. In this approach, the mediator meets with each party separately in private sessions, called caucuses. The mediator then carries messages, proposals, and questions back and forth between them. This method is really useful when emotions are running high or when there’s a significant power imbalance. It allows parties to speak more freely about their concerns without the immediate pressure of facing the other person. It’s a way to de-escalate tension and explore options more safely.

Scenario	Mediator’s Action
High emotional intensity	Meet separately with each party
Difficulty communicating	Relay messages and proposals between parties
Need for confidential space	Use private caucuses to explore underlying interests

Addressing Emotional Volatility and De-escalation Techniques

Active Listening and Validation of Emotions

When emotions run high in mediation, it’s easy for things to get out of hand. A big part of a mediator’s job is to keep things from boiling over. This starts with really listening. It’s not just about hearing the words, but understanding the feelings behind them. When someone feels heard, they tend to calm down.

Pay attention to tone of voice and body language. These often tell you more than the words themselves.
Reflect back what you hear, both the facts and the feelings. Phrases like, "So, if I understand correctly, you’re feeling frustrated because…" can be very effective.
Acknowledge their emotions without necessarily agreeing with their position. Saying "I can see why you’d be upset about that" validates their experience.

Reframing Negative Statements for Constructive Dialogue

People in conflict often express themselves in ways that shut down communication. They might make accusations or focus on blame. A mediator can help by reframing these negative statements into something more productive. This doesn’t mean ignoring the problem, but changing how it’s talked about.

For example, if someone says, "He always ignores my requests!", a mediator might reframe it as, "So, you’re looking for a more reliable way to communicate about requests going forward?" This shifts the focus from blame to finding a solution. It helps parties move past their anger and think about what they actually need.

Promoting Face-Saving Strategies for Parties

Nobody likes to feel like they’ve lost or been embarrassed. In mediation, it’s important for parties to feel like they can agree to a resolution without losing dignity. Mediators can help by creating opportunities for parties to save face. This might involve finding wording in an agreement that allows both sides to feel they’ve achieved something positive, or by allowing parties to withdraw from a difficult position gracefully.

Sometimes, the best way to de-escalate a tense situation is to give people a way out that doesn’t make them look weak. This can involve focusing on future solutions rather than past grievances, or finding common ground that both parties can agree on, even if it’s just a small point.

Managing Power Imbalances Among Parties

Sometimes in mediation, one person or group has a lot more influence, information, or resources than the other. This can make things feel unfair and make it hard for everyone to have a real say. A mediator’s job is to notice these differences and try to level the playing field so that the process is fair for everyone involved.

Identifying and Mitigating Disparities in Resources or Authority

It’s pretty common for parties in a dispute to have different levels of power. Think about a big company negotiating with a single customer, or someone with a lot of legal knowledge facing someone who doesn’t. The mediator needs to spot these differences early on. This might involve looking at things like:

Financial Resources: Does one party have the money to hire expensive lawyers or experts, while the other doesn’t?
Information Access: Does one side have access to crucial documents or data that the other is missing?
Authority: Is one party a CEO with final decision-making power, while the other needs to get approval from a committee?
Experience: Has one person been through similar disputes many times, while it’s a first for the other?

Once these disparities are clear, the mediator can work to reduce their impact. This could mean giving the less powerful party more time to speak, helping them understand complex information, or suggesting they bring in an advisor if they feel outmatched. The goal isn’t to make everyone equal, but to make sure everyone has a fair chance to be heard and to make decisions.

Ensuring Equal Opportunity for Participation

This is all about making sure everyone gets a fair shot at contributing to the conversation. Even if someone is naturally quieter or less assertive, the mediator should create space for them. This can involve:

Structured Agendas: Setting a clear plan for who speaks when and about what helps prevent one person from dominating the discussion.
Active Listening: The mediator models and encourages active listening, making sure each person feels heard before the next person jumps in.
Using Caucuses: Sometimes, talking privately with each party (a caucus) is the best way to let someone express themselves fully without feeling intimidated by the other party.
Setting Communication Ground Rules: Agreeing upfront on rules like no interrupting or speaking respectfully can make a big difference.

It’s about creating an environment where everyone feels safe and encouraged to share their thoughts and needs, regardless of their personal power or position.

Empowering All Parties to Advocate for Their Interests

Mediation isn’t about the mediator telling people what to do; it’s about helping the parties figure it out themselves. When there’s a power imbalance, the mediator might need to do a bit more to help the less powerful party feel confident in speaking up for what they need. This could involve:

Clarifying Underlying Interests: Helping parties move beyond their stated positions to understand what they really need. Sometimes, understanding your own interests is the first step to advocating for them.
Reality Testing: Gently questioning unrealistic expectations or proposals can help parties make informed decisions, especially if one party is trying to pressure the other into something unreasonable.
Providing Information: If one party lacks key information, the mediator might help them get it or explain it in simpler terms.

The mediator’s role is to facilitate a process where all parties can effectively communicate their needs and interests, even when there are significant differences in their personal power or resources. This involves creating a balanced environment and providing support to ensure everyone has an equal opportunity to participate and advocate for themselves.

Ultimately, the aim is to help parties reach a resolution that they have genuinely agreed to, rather than one that was dictated by a stronger party. It’s a delicate balance, but it’s key to making mediation work for everyone.

Cultural Competence in Managing Diverse Parties

When people from different backgrounds come together for mediation, things can get complicated. It’s not just about what people say, but how they say it, what they value, and what they expect from the process. A mediator needs to be aware of these differences to make sure everyone feels heard and respected.

Understanding Cultural Differences in Communication Styles

Communication isn’t one-size-fits-all. What seems direct and honest in one culture might come across as rude in another. Some cultures prefer a lot of context and indirect language, while others get straight to the point. For example, a mediator might notice:

Directness vs. Indirectness: Some parties might state their needs plainly, while others hint at them or rely on the mediator to infer their meaning.
Non-Verbal Cues: Eye contact, personal space, and gestures can have very different meanings across cultures. A mediator must be careful not to misinterpret these signals.
Silence: In some cultures, silence is a sign of respect or thoughtful consideration. In others, it might indicate disagreement or discomfort. A mediator should allow for pauses and not rush to fill them.

It’s important for mediators to ask clarifying questions rather than making assumptions. A simple, "Could you tell me more about what that means to you?" can go a long way.

Addressing Values, Norms, and Language Barriers

Beyond communication styles, deeply held values and social norms play a big role. What one person sees as a fair outcome, another might see as unjust based on their cultural background. This can affect how parties approach negotiation, their willingness to compromise, and their understanding of authority.

Language is another obvious hurdle. Even when parties speak the same language, nuances and idioms can cause confusion. When different languages are involved, using professional interpreters is key. It’s not just about word-for-word translation; interpreters need to convey the tone and intent accurately.

Respect for Authority: Some cultures have a high regard for authority figures, which might influence how parties interact with the mediator or each other.
Concept of Time: Punctuality and the pace of the mediation can be viewed differently.
Family and Community Roles: In some cultures, decisions are not made solely by the individual but involve input from family or community elders.

Mediators must be mindful that their own cultural lens can shape their perceptions. A conscious effort to set aside personal biases and remain open to different worldviews is fundamental to effective cross-cultural mediation.

Ensuring Accessibility and Inclusivity for All Participants

Making mediation accessible means more than just offering it. It involves actively creating an environment where everyone can participate fully. This includes:

Physical Accessibility: Ensuring the mediation space is accessible for individuals with disabilities.
Communication Accommodations: Providing adaptive communication methods if needed, such as sign language interpreters or assistive listening devices.
Flexible Scheduling: Being open to adjusting session times to accommodate different needs or cultural observances.

By paying attention to these details, mediators can help bridge cultural divides and create a more productive and fair process for everyone involved. It’s about recognizing that diversity is a reality, and a skilled mediator embraces it to find common ground.

The Importance of Preparation for All Parties

Getting ready for mediation isn’t just a suggestion; it’s a really big part of making the whole thing work. Think of it like getting ready for a big trip – you wouldn’t just hop on a plane without packing, right? Mediation is similar. When everyone comes to the table prepared, it makes the process smoother and usually leads to better results. It’s about showing up ready to engage, not just physically, but mentally and with the right information.

Clarifying Goals and Underlying Interests

Before you even step into the mediation room, or log into the virtual one, take some time to really think about what you want to achieve. What are your main goals for this process? Beyond the obvious demands, what are the deeper needs or concerns driving those demands? Sometimes, what someone says they want isn’t the same as what they actually need. Identifying these underlying interests is key because it opens up more possibilities for creative solutions that might satisfy everyone involved. It’s about looking past the surface-level arguments and finding the real motivations.

List your primary objectives. What absolutely needs to be accomplished?
Identify your core needs. What are the underlying reasons for your position?
Consider your ‘walk-away’ point. What outcome would make you say ‘no’ to a settlement?

Gathering Relevant Documents and Information

Having the right information at your fingertips is super important. This means digging up any documents, emails, records, or other evidence that supports your perspective or is relevant to the issues being discussed. It’s not about overwhelming the other side or the mediator with paper, but about having the facts ready to back up your points and to help everyone understand the situation clearly. If you’re unsure what’s relevant, it’s a good idea to consult with an advisor beforehand.

Bringing organized and relevant information allows for more focused discussions. It helps move the conversation from opinions to facts, making it easier to find common ground and assess potential solutions realistically.

Understanding the Mediation Process and Expectations

It helps a lot if you know what to expect. Mediation isn’t a court trial, and the mediator isn’t a judge. They won’t make decisions for you. Instead, they’re there to help you and the other party talk things through and find your own solutions. Understanding the mediator’s role, the rules of confidentiality, and the general flow of a mediation session can reduce anxiety and help you participate more effectively. Knowing that you have control over the outcome, and that the process is voluntary, can also make a big difference in how you approach the discussions.

Effective Communication During Mediation Sessions

Getting people to talk to each other productively when they’re already upset can be tough. That’s where good communication in mediation really shines. It’s not just about talking; it’s about how you talk, what you hear, and making sure everyone feels like they can actually speak up.

Establishing Expectations for Respectful Dialogue

From the very start, the mediator needs to set the stage for how everyone will interact. This isn’t about being overly strict, but more about creating a safe space where people can actually get their points across without being attacked. It means laying down some ground rules, like no interrupting, no personal insults, and sticking to the issues at hand. This helps keep things from getting out of hand before they even really begin.

No interruptions: Each person gets their turn to speak without being cut off.
Focus on issues, not people: Keep comments about the problem, not personal attacks.
Confidentiality: What’s said in the room generally stays in the room, which encourages honesty.
Respectful tone: Even when disagreeing, the language used should be civil.

Setting these expectations upfront is like building a sturdy foundation for the entire mediation. Without it, the whole structure can become wobbly pretty quickly.

Encouraging Honest and Open Communication

Once the ground rules are set, the mediator’s job is to get people to actually open up. This is where trust comes in. If parties feel they can be honest about what they really need – their underlying interests – without being judged or having that information used against them, they’re more likely to find real solutions. It’s about creating an atmosphere where people feel comfortable sharing their concerns, even the difficult ones.

The Role of Active Listening in Joint Discussions

Active listening is more than just hearing words; it’s about truly understanding what the other person is trying to say, both the facts and the feelings behind them. In joint sessions, when both parties are present, the mediator models this by summarizing, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back what they’ve heard. This not only helps the speaker feel heard but also helps the other party understand their perspective better. It can really cut down on misunderstandings and move the conversation forward in a more constructive way. When parties themselves start to practice active listening, even a little bit, it’s a huge step toward resolution.

Leveraging Caucuses for Difficult Negotiations

Purpose and Confidentiality of Private Sessions

Sometimes, when parties are really stuck or emotions are running high, it helps to talk separately. This is where caucuses come in. A caucus is basically a private meeting between the mediator and just one party at a time. It’s a safe space to really dig into what’s going on without the other side present. Think of it as a chance to speak more freely, explore options you might not want to share publicly, or even just vent a little. The key here is confidentiality. What’s said in the caucus stays in the caucus, unless both parties agree otherwise. This trust is what makes caucuses so effective.

Exploring Options and Reality-Testing Proposals

During these private sessions, the mediator can do a few things that are harder in joint meetings. For one, they can help you think through different solutions. Maybe you have an idea but aren’t sure how the other side will react, or perhaps you haven’t even thought of all the possibilities. The mediator can help brainstorm or suggest different ways to look at the problem. They also do a lot of ‘reality testing.’ This means asking questions that help you consider if a proposal is practical, if it’s likely to work in the real world, or what might happen if you don’t reach an agreement. It’s not about telling you what to do, but about helping you make your own informed decisions.

Addressing Emotional or Strategic Concerns Confidentially

Difficult negotiations often come with a lot of baggage. Parties might be feeling angry, frustrated, or scared. Sometimes, a party might have a strategic reason for holding back information or taking a certain stance. Caucuses provide a confidential setting to address these underlying issues. A mediator can help you understand your own emotions and how they might be affecting the negotiation. They can also help you think about the other party’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. This private conversation allows for a more open discussion of fears, concerns, or strategic considerations that might otherwise block progress in the main session. It’s a way to clear the air and get back to productive problem-solving.

Navigating Impasse and Challenging Moments

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, mediation can hit a wall. This is what we call an impasse, and it’s a pretty common part of the process. It’s not necessarily a sign that things have failed, but more like a signal that we need to try a different approach or look at the situation from a new angle. It can feel frustrating when you’ve been working towards a solution and suddenly, everything stops. That’s totally normal.

Identifying the Roots of Negotiation Deadlocks

When parties stop moving forward, it’s usually because of something specific. It could be that one side feels the other isn’t being realistic about what’s possible. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding about what’s really important to each person, or perhaps a past hurt is making it hard to trust. Sometimes, it’s just a simple difference in opinion that feels too big to bridge. Figuring out why things have stalled is the first step to getting unstuck.

Here are some common reasons negotiations get stuck:

Positions Too Rigid: Parties are focused only on what they want, not why they want it.
Lack of Trust: Past experiences or current interactions make it hard to believe the other side.
Emotional Barriers: Strong feelings like anger or resentment are clouding judgment.
Unrealistic Expectations: One or both parties believe they can get something that’s not feasible.
Information Gaps: Not enough clear information is available to make informed decisions.

Employing Advanced Mediator Intervention Strategies

When the usual methods aren’t working, mediators have a few more tools in their kit. One common technique is to switch to shuttle mediation. This means the mediator goes back and forth between separate rooms where the parties are waiting. It gives everyone a chance to talk privately with the mediator, away from the direct pressure of the other person. This can be really helpful when emotions are high or when direct communication has broken down.

Another strategy is to break down a big, overwhelming issue into smaller, more manageable pieces. Instead of trying to solve everything at once, we focus on one small part. Sometimes, bringing in new information or a different perspective can help. The mediator might also use reality-testing questions more directly, asking parties to consider the consequences of not reaching an agreement. It’s about gently guiding people to see the situation from all sides.

The goal isn’t to force an agreement, but to create an environment where parties can find their own way forward, even when it feels difficult. This often involves a lot of patience and creative thinking from the mediator.

Assessing When Mediation May Not Be Appropriate

While mediation is great for many situations, it’s not a magic fix for everything. There are times when it’s just not the right path. If there’s ongoing abuse or a serious power imbalance that can’t be managed safely, mediation might not be suitable. Also, if one party isn’t willing to participate honestly or doesn’t have the authority to make decisions, the process likely won’t succeed. In these cases, it’s important to recognize that other methods, like legal action, might be necessary. The mediator’s job includes helping parties understand these limitations.

Drafting and Finalizing Mediation Agreements

Ensuring Clarity and Mutual Understanding in Agreements

So, you’ve made it through mediation, and everyone’s agreed on a path forward. That’s fantastic! But the work isn’t quite done yet. The next big step is putting all those hard-won agreements down on paper in a way that makes sense to everyone involved. This is where the drafting of the mediation agreement comes in. It’s not just about writing things down; it’s about making sure the words accurately reflect what was decided and that there’s no room for confusion later on. Think of it as building the bridge from the mediation room to actually implementing the solutions.

The goal here is absolute clarity. This means using plain language, avoiding jargon, and being specific about who is doing what, when, and how. If the agreement involves payments, spell out the exact amounts, dates, and methods. If it’s about actions or responsibilities, detail them precisely. Ambiguity is the enemy of a good agreement; it’s what leads to misunderstandings and, unfortunately, more conflict down the line. The mediator often plays a key role in helping parties articulate their agreements clearly, but ultimately, the parties themselves must be satisfied that the written document truly captures their understanding.

Understanding the Enforceability of Mediated Settlements

Once the agreement is drafted and everyone’s happy with it, the question of enforceability often comes up. What does it mean if an agreement is ‘enforceable’? Basically, it means that if one party doesn’t follow through on their promises, the other party might be able to use legal means to make them do so. This is a pretty important detail, and it can depend on a few things.

The specific wording of the agreement: Does it clearly state that the parties intend to be legally bound? Sometimes, agreements might be more like a ‘memorandum of understanding’ rather than a fully binding contract.
Jurisdiction: Laws about contracts and agreements can differ depending on where you are. What’s enforceable in one state or country might not be in another.
How it’s finalized: Sometimes, a mediated settlement can be turned into a court order, which makes it much easier to enforce. Other times, it relies on standard contract law principles.

It’s often a good idea for parties to have the drafted agreement reviewed by their own legal counsel before signing, just to be sure they understand its legal implications and enforceability in their specific situation. Mediators can’t give legal advice, but they can certainly encourage parties to seek it if they have concerns.

Documenting Mutually Acceptable Solutions

Finally, the act of documenting the agreement is the formal conclusion of the mediation process. This written document serves as a record of the parties’ hard work and their commitment to resolving the dispute. It’s more than just a piece of paper; it’s a tangible outcome that represents a shared understanding and a plan for the future.

When drafting, consider including:

A clear statement of the dispute being resolved.
Specific actions, responsibilities, and timelines for each party.
Any financial terms, including amounts, dates, and payment methods.
Provisions for future communication or review, if applicable.
A statement confirming that the agreement is voluntary and mutually agreed upon.

The final agreement should be a source of confidence, not a cause for future arguments. It’s the culmination of the mediation process, transforming discussions into a concrete plan that all parties can move forward with. Taking the time to draft it carefully is one of the most important steps in making the mediation a true success.

Wrapping Up

Dealing with tough parties in mediation can feel like a real challenge, but it’s definitely manageable. Remember, the mediator’s job is to keep things moving forward, even when emotions run high or people dig in their heels. By understanding different mediation styles, preparing thoroughly, and focusing on what everyone truly needs, you can help guide even the most difficult situations toward a resolution. It’s not always easy, and sometimes progress is slow, but with the right approach, finding common ground is often possible. Keep these strategies in mind, and you’ll be better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a mediator’s main job?

A mediator is like a referee for a disagreement. Their main job is to help people talk to each other respectfully and find their own solutions. They don’t take sides and don’t make decisions for you. They just help guide the conversation so you can figure things out.

What if someone in the mediation is really angry or difficult?

Mediators are trained to handle tough situations. They might use special techniques like talking to each person privately (called a caucus) or setting clear rules for how people should talk. They focus on keeping things calm and making sure everyone gets a chance to speak without being interrupted or attacked.

How does a mediator help when people have very different amounts of power or influence?

Mediators know that sometimes one person might have more money, knowledge, or authority. They work hard to make sure everyone feels heard and has an equal chance to share their thoughts and needs. They might use private talks or help the less powerful person express themselves more clearly.

What if people from different backgrounds or cultures are in mediation?

Good mediators understand that people communicate and solve problems differently based on their culture. They try to be sensitive to these differences, like different ways of speaking or different values. They might use interpreters if needed to make sure everyone understands each other clearly.

Why is preparing for mediation important?

Getting ready for mediation is super helpful! It means thinking about what you really want to achieve and what’s most important to you. It also means gathering any papers or information that might be useful. When you’re prepared, you can participate much better and have a better chance of reaching a good agreement.

What happens if we can’t agree on anything in mediation?

Sometimes, even with a mediator, people can’t reach an agreement. This is called an impasse. The mediator might try different strategies to help break the deadlock. If it still doesn’t work, the mediator will let you know that mediation might not be the right fit for your specific problem, and you might need to consider other options.

Is what we say in mediation kept private?

Yes, usually! Mediation is confidential. This means that what you say during the mediation process generally can’t be used against you later in court. This rule helps people feel safe to speak openly and honestly about their issues.

What’s the difference between a mediator and a judge?

A judge makes a decision for you after hearing both sides in a court case. A mediator, on the other hand, doesn’t make decisions. They help you and the other person talk and figure out your own solutions together. You and the other party are in charge of the final agreement, not the mediator.