So, you’re looking into divorce mediation. It’s a way to sort things out without a big court fight. Think of it as a guided conversation to help you and your soon-to-be-ex figure out the details of your separation. This guide will walk you through what to expect in divorce mediation, from start to finish. We’ll cover how it works, what your role is, and how to get ready. It’s about finding solutions that work for everyone involved, especially if kids are part of the picture. Let’s break down this process.
Key Takeaways
- Mediation is a voluntary process where a neutral person helps you and your spouse discuss and resolve divorce-related issues, like property division and child custody.
- Preparation is key; gather all your financial documents and think about what you realistically want to achieve before your sessions begin.
- The mediator’s job is to guide the conversation, not to take sides or make decisions for you. You and your spouse are in charge of the final agreement.
- Mediation aims for collaborative problem-solving, which can be less stressful and costly than going to court, and can help preserve relationships, especially for co-parenting.
- The outcome of mediation is a settlement agreement that you both sign. This document outlines your agreed-upon terms and can be made legally binding.
Understanding the Mediation Process
What Is Mediation?
Mediation is basically a way to sort out disagreements without going to court. Think of it as a structured conversation where a neutral person, called a mediator, helps you and the other person talk things through. The mediator doesn’t take sides or make decisions for you. Their main job is to guide the discussion so you can both find a solution you can live with. It’s a voluntary process, meaning everyone involved has to agree to participate, and you can usually leave if it’s not working for you. The whole point is to reach an agreement that you both feel good about, rather than having a judge decide.
How Mediation Works
So, how does this actually happen? It starts with everyone agreeing to try mediation and picking a mediator. Then, you’ll usually have an initial meeting where the mediator explains the rules and what to expect. After that, you’ll likely have joint sessions where both parties talk about their issues and what they want. The mediator helps keep the conversation focused and respectful. Sometimes, the mediator might meet with each person separately in private meetings, called caucuses. This can be helpful for discussing sensitive topics or exploring options more freely. The goal is to move from talking about problems to finding solutions.
The Stages of Mediation
Mediation typically follows a path, though it’s not always rigid. It usually begins with preparation, where you gather your thoughts and any necessary information. Then comes the opening session, where the mediator sets the stage and each person gets a chance to speak. Following that is the exploration phase, where the core issues and underlying needs are identified. Negotiation is where you and the other party brainstorm and evaluate possible solutions. If all goes well, the final stage is reaching an agreement, which is then written down.
Key Principles of Mediation
There are a few core ideas that make mediation work. First, it’s voluntary – you’re there because you want to be. Second, the mediator is neutral; they don’t favor anyone. Third, it’s confidential, meaning what’s said in mediation usually stays there, which encourages open talk. Finally, the principle of self-determination is key: you and the other party are the ones who decide the outcome, not the mediator. This focus on your own choices and needs is what makes mediated agreements often more satisfying and lasting.
Roles and Responsibilities in Mediation
The Mediator’s Role
The mediator is the neutral third party guiding the entire process. Think of them as a facilitator, not a judge. Their main job is to help you and the other person communicate effectively and explore possible solutions. They don’t take sides, offer legal advice, or decide who is right or wrong. Instead, they create a safe space for discussion, manage the conversation flow, and help you both identify your underlying needs and interests. They’re trained to stay impartial and ensure everyone has a chance to speak and be heard. Their goal is to help you reach your own agreement.
Your Role as a Participant
When you go to mediation, you’re not just a passive observer; you’re an active participant. It’s your dispute, and ultimately, you’ll be the one making the decisions about how it gets resolved. Your role involves being prepared to discuss the issues openly and honestly, listening to the other person’s perspective, and being willing to negotiate. You need to think about what you truly want to achieve and what you’re willing to compromise on. It’s about engaging constructively, even when things get tough. Remember, you have the power to shape the outcome.
When Attorneys Are Involved
Attorneys can play a role in mediation, though it’s not always required. If you choose to have your lawyer present, they act as your advisor and advocate. They can help you understand the legal implications of proposed solutions, ensure your rights are protected, and assist in drafting the final agreement. However, it’s important that they also support the mediation process by encouraging negotiation rather than adversarial tactics. The mediator will work with both parties and their attorneys to keep the focus on finding common ground. Sometimes, attorneys might attend only certain sessions or be available for consultation outside of the main mediation meetings.
Preparing for Your Mediation Session
Getting ready for mediation is a big part of making sure it goes well. It’s not just about showing up; it’s about being mentally and practically prepared to talk things through. Think of it like getting ready for an important meeting where you want to get something specific done.
Gathering Necessary Documents
Having the right paperwork with you can make a huge difference. It helps you remember details and shows the other person and the mediator what you’re working with. You don’t need to bring your entire life story, but having key documents handy is smart. This might include things like financial statements, property records, or any agreements you’ve already made.
Here’s a short list of common documents that might be useful:
- Financial Records: Bank statements, pay stubs, tax returns, lists of assets and debts.
- Property Information: Deeds, mortgage statements, appraisals.
- Existing Agreements: Any previous court orders or informal agreements.
- Relevant Correspondence: Emails or letters related to the issues you’ll discuss.
Preparing Emotionally for Discussion
This is often the harder part. Mediation can bring up a lot of feelings, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be emotionless, but to be able to manage those emotions so you can actually talk and listen. Try to think about what you want to achieve, not just what you’re upset about. Sometimes, just acknowledging your feelings beforehand can help. You might want to write down what you’re feeling or talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Remember, the mediator is there to help keep things calm and productive.
It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘why’ of the conflict – why they did this, why it’s unfair. But mediation works best when you can shift focus to the ‘what next’. What do you need to move forward? What can you realistically agree on?
Setting Realistic Goals for Resolution
Before you even walk into the mediation room, take some time to think about what a good outcome would look like for you. What are your must-haves? What are you willing to compromise on? It’s helpful to have a few different options in mind. Sometimes, what seems like the only solution at first isn’t the only one. Thinking about your priorities helps you stay focused during the session and makes it more likely you’ll reach an agreement you can live with. It’s about finding solutions that work, not necessarily about ‘winning’ an argument.
Mediation Skills and Techniques
Mediation isn’t just about showing up; it’s a dynamic process that relies heavily on specific skills and techniques, both from the mediator and the participants. Think of it like learning a new language – you need the right vocabulary and grammar to communicate effectively. The goal here is to move past just stating what you want (your position) and really dig into why you want it (your underlying interests).
The Power of Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing the words someone says. It’s about truly understanding their perspective, including the emotions behind it. When you’re actively listening, you’re fully present, not planning your rebuttal. You might nod, maintain eye contact, and use verbal cues like "I see" or "Tell me more." A key part of this is reflective listening, where you paraphrase what the other person has said, both the facts and the feelings. For example, you might say, "So, if I’m understanding correctly, you’re feeling frustrated because the project deadline was missed, and you’re worried about the impact on your team?"
This technique does a few things:
- It shows the speaker they’ve been heard and understood.
- It clarifies any misunderstandings.
- It helps de-escalate tension by validating emotions.
- It encourages the speaker to elaborate further.
Effective Reframing Strategies
Sometimes, conversations can get stuck in negative loops or positional arguments. That’s where reframing comes in. Reframing is the art of restating a statement in a more neutral, constructive, or interest-based way. It helps shift the focus from blame or rigid demands to potential solutions. For instance, if someone says, "You never listen to my ideas!", a mediator might reframe it as, "It sounds like you’re looking for assurance that your contributions are considered and valued in our discussions."
Here’s a quick look at how reframing can work:
- From Position to Interest: "I need the house sold by June" (position) becomes "I need to secure new housing and finalize my finances by June" (interest).
- From Complaint to Need: "You’re always late with payments" (complaint) becomes "It’s important for me to have predictable income to manage my own expenses" (need).
- From Blame to Problem: "This is all your fault" (blame) becomes "How can we work together to solve this issue?" (problem-solving).
The goal of reframing is not to dismiss someone’s feelings or statements, but to translate them into a language that opens up possibilities for agreement rather than shutting down communication.
Managing Emotions During Negotiation
Divorce is an emotional process, and those emotions can easily spill over into mediation, sometimes derailing productive conversations. Recognizing and managing these emotions is vital. This involves both self-awareness – understanding your own triggers and emotional responses – and empathy towards the other party. Mediators often use techniques to help parties stay calm, such as taking short breaks, validating feelings without necessarily agreeing with the behavior, and using neutral language. Learning to separate your emotions from the issues at hand is a significant step toward resolution. It’s about acknowledging that while you might feel angry, hurt, or scared, those feelings don’t have to dictate the final agreement. Focusing on your underlying needs and interests, rather than reacting to every emotional trigger, is key to making progress.
Navigating Different Types of Mediation
Mediation isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s actually pretty adaptable, and different situations call for different approaches. Think of it like having a toolbox – you wouldn’t use a hammer for every job, right? The same goes for mediation. Understanding the main types can help you figure out what to expect and what kind of mediator might be best for your situation.
Family Mediation for Divorce
When couples decide to divorce, family mediation is often the go-to method. The main goal here is to work through all the tough stuff that comes with ending a marriage, like dividing property, figuring out child custody, and setting up support payments. It’s all about helping parents create a plan that works for their kids and themselves, ideally without a judge making all the decisions. It can be a lot less stressful than a courtroom battle, and it gives you more say in the final outcome. Plus, it can help keep communication lines open, which is super important if you’ll be co-parenting.
- Key Issues Covered: Property division, child custody and visitation, child support, spousal support.
- Primary Goal: To create a comprehensive settlement agreement that addresses all aspects of the divorce.
- Benefits: Reduced emotional toll, cost savings, faster resolution, and greater party control.
Civil Mediation for Disputes
Civil mediation covers a really wide range of disagreements that aren’t criminal. This could be anything from a contract dispute with a business, a disagreement with a neighbor over a property line, or even issues with a landlord. The process is pretty flexible. Sometimes, courts might even require you to try mediation before a case goes to trial, especially for smaller claims. It’s a way to resolve things more efficiently and often more affordably than going through the full court system. The agreements reached are usually written down and can be made legally binding.
- Common Scenarios: Contract disagreements, property line disputes, landlord-tenant issues, personal injury claims.
- Process: Can be voluntary or court-ordered; focuses on practical solutions.
- Outcomes: Parties craft agreements that can be legally enforced.
Workplace and Commercial Mediation
Workplace mediation is all about sorting out conflicts that pop up between colleagues or between an employee and management. Think disagreements over workload, personality clashes, or even issues related to harassment. The aim is to get things back on track so people can work together more effectively. Commercial mediation is similar but focuses on business-to-business disputes. This might involve disagreements over contracts, partnership issues, or problems between a business and its clients. It’s a way to resolve these issues without damaging business relationships or incurring huge legal fees.
| Type of Mediation | Typical Issues |
|---|---|
| Workplace | Employee conflicts, team disputes, harassment claims |
| Commercial | Contract disputes, partnership dissolutions, client issues |
Mediation in these contexts often prioritizes preserving ongoing relationships, whether professional or business-related. The focus is on finding practical, forward-looking solutions that allow parties to move past the conflict and continue their interactions productively.
The Mediation Session Itself
So, you’ve prepared, you’ve gathered your thoughts, and now it’s time for the actual mediation session. It might feel a bit daunting, but knowing what to expect can make a big difference. Think of it as a structured conversation, guided by a neutral person, aimed at finding solutions.
Opening Statements and Perspectives
When you first sit down, the mediator will usually start by explaining the process again and setting some ground rules. This is a good time for everyone to take a deep breath. Then, each person gets a chance to talk. This isn’t an argument or a chance to blame; it’s about sharing your side of the story and what’s important to you. The mediator will listen carefully to both sides. The goal here is for everyone to feel heard.
Joint Sessions and Private Caucuses
Most of the time, you’ll be in a joint session, meaning everyone is in the room together. This is where the real discussion and problem-solving happen. The mediator will help keep the conversation focused and productive. However, there might be times when the mediator wants to speak with each person separately. These are called private caucuses. It’s a chance for you to talk more freely with the mediator about your concerns, your priorities, or even your bottom line, without the other person present. The mediator will then use this information to help bridge any gaps between the parties. It’s a bit like having a confidential chat with a guide.
Facilitating Productive Conversations
Mediators are trained to keep things moving forward. They’ll use various techniques to help you and the other party communicate more effectively. This can involve:
- Asking clarifying questions: To make sure everyone understands each other.
- Summarizing points: To recap agreements or areas of discussion.
- Identifying common ground: Highlighting where you both agree, even on small things.
- Managing emotions: Helping to de-escalate tension if things get heated.
Sometimes, the conversation can get a little tense. It’s natural when you’re discussing difficult topics. The mediator’s job is to help manage those emotions so that you can still focus on finding solutions. They won’t take sides, but they will help ensure the discussion stays respectful and constructive. Remember, the aim is to move towards an agreement, not to win an argument.
Here’s a look at how the session might flow:
| Stage | Description |
|---|---|
| Mediator’s Introduction | Explanation of process, ground rules, confidentiality. |
| Opening Statements | Each party shares their perspective and what they hope to achieve. |
| Joint Discussion | Parties discuss issues, interests, and potential solutions together. |
| Private Caucuses | Mediator meets separately with each party to explore issues more deeply. |
| Negotiation | Parties work with the mediator to brainstorm and evaluate options. |
| Agreement Drafting | If an agreement is reached, it’s written down. |
Achieving Agreement in Mediation
Reaching an agreement in mediation is the ultimate goal, and it’s a process that requires active participation and a willingness to find common ground. It’s not about one person winning and the other losing; it’s about both parties feeling like they’ve arrived at a workable solution.
Brainstorming and Evaluating Options
Once you’ve both had a chance to share your perspectives and identify the core issues, the next step is to start thinking about possible solutions. This is where creativity comes into play. Don’t shut down ideas too quickly, even if they seem a bit out there at first. The mediator will often encourage a brainstorming session, where you list out all potential options without judgment. Think of it like a big idea dump.
After you have a list, you’ll start to look at each option more closely. This involves evaluating what each solution would actually look like in practice. Consider:
- Feasibility: Can this actually be done?
- Fairness: Does it seem reasonable to both parties?
- Sustainability: Will this solution work long-term?
- Costs/Benefits: What are the pros and cons of this option?
The mediator plays a key role here, helping you to reality-test your ideas and consider the practical implications. They might ask questions like, "How would that work on a day-to-day basis?" or "What challenges do you foresee with that approach?"
Drafting Your Settlement Agreement
When you and the other party have agreed on the terms of your resolution, the mediator will help you put it all down in writing. This document is called a settlement agreement. It’s important that this agreement is clear, specific, and covers all the points you’ve discussed and agreed upon. Ambiguity can lead to future disagreements, so taking the time to get the wording right is key.
Your settlement agreement might include sections on:
- Property division
- Child custody and support
- Spousal support
- Any other issues relevant to your dispute
It’s often a good idea for both parties to have the agreement reviewed by their own independent legal counsel before signing, especially in complex cases. This ensures you fully understand the legal implications of what you’re agreeing to.
Understanding Agreement Enforceability
Once signed, a mediation settlement agreement can become a legally binding document. The exact process for this varies depending on your location and the nature of the agreement. In many divorce cases, for example, the settlement agreement is submitted to the court for approval and becomes part of a court order. This means that if one party fails to uphold their end of the agreement, the other party can seek legal enforcement through the court system.
It’s important to remember that while mediation is a voluntary and often informal process, the outcome – the settlement agreement – is intended to be a definitive resolution. The enforceability of your agreement hinges on its clarity, completeness, and adherence to legal requirements in your jurisdiction. Always confirm the steps needed to make your agreement legally binding with your mediator or legal counsel.
This final step transforms your negotiated resolution into a formal, actionable plan for moving forward.
Mediation vs. Other Dispute Resolution Methods
When you’re facing a disagreement, whether it’s a personal issue or a business problem, you’ve got a few paths you can take to sort things out. Mediation is one of them, but it’s not the only game in town. It’s helpful to know how it stacks up against other ways people resolve conflicts.
Mediation Compared to Litigation
Litigation is what most people think of when they hear "legal dispute." It’s the formal court process where a judge or jury makes a decision. It can be lengthy, expensive, and often leaves both sides feeling like they’ve lost, even if they technically "won." Mediation, on the other hand, is all about finding common ground. You and the other party work with a neutral mediator to come up with your own solution. It’s usually much faster and cheaper than going to court, and because you’re creating the agreement, people tend to stick with it better.
Here’s a quick look at the differences:
| Feature | Mediation | Litigation |
|---|---|---|
| Process | Collaborative, facilitated negotiation | Adversarial, court-driven |
| Decision Maker | Parties themselves | Judge or jury |
| Outcome | Mutually agreed-upon settlement | Legally binding judgment |
| Cost | Generally lower | Generally higher |
| Time | Typically faster | Can be very lengthy |
| Relationship | Aims to preserve or improve | Often damages or destroys |
| Confidentiality | High | Public record |
Mediation Versus Arbitration
Arbitration is another way to resolve disputes outside of court, but it’s different from mediation. Think of an arbitrator as a private judge. You present your case, and the arbitrator makes a binding decision. It’s faster than litigation and usually less formal, but you give up control over the final outcome.
- Mediation: You and the other party decide the outcome with a mediator’s help. It’s voluntary and non-binding until you agree.
- Arbitration: An arbitrator decides the outcome. It’s often binding, meaning you have to accept the decision.
Negotiation and Collaborative Law
Negotiation is simply talking directly with the other party to reach an agreement. It’s the most basic form of dispute resolution. Mediation adds a neutral third party to help facilitate that negotiation, especially when communication has broken down.
Collaborative law is a bit more structured than simple negotiation but still focuses on avoiding court. In collaborative law, both parties and their specially trained lawyers agree to work together to reach a settlement. If the process fails, the collaborative lawyers can’t represent their clients in court, which provides a strong incentive to settle. It’s a good option if you want legal representation but still want to avoid the adversarial nature of litigation.
Choosing the right method depends on your specific situation. Consider factors like the complexity of the issue, your relationship with the other party, your budget, and how much control you want over the final decision. Mediation offers a balanced approach, providing structure and guidance while keeping the power to decide in your hands.
Addressing Challenges in Mediation
Handling High-Conflict Personalities
Sometimes, mediation can feel like trying to herd cats, especially when one or both parties have a tendency towards high-conflict behavior. These individuals might be prone to dramatic outbursts, personal attacks, or an unwillingness to budge on their demands. It’s not easy, but a skilled mediator knows how to manage these situations. They’ll often use techniques like active listening to let the person feel heard, even if their statements are aggressive. They might also reframe inflammatory language into more neutral terms. The goal isn’t to change the personality, but to steer the conversation back to productive problem-solving.
- Setting clear ground rules early on: This establishes expectations for respectful communication.
- Maintaining strict neutrality: Avoid taking sides, even when one party is being particularly difficult.
- Using private caucuses: Meeting separately can give a high-conflict individual a chance to vent without derailing the joint session.
- Focusing on interests, not just positions: Help them articulate what they really need, rather than just what they want.
It’s important to remember that high-conflict behavior often stems from underlying fear or insecurity. While it doesn’t excuse the behavior, understanding this can help the mediator approach the situation with more patience and strategy.
Navigating Power Imbalances
Another hurdle can be when there’s a significant difference in power between the parties. This could be due to financial disparity, a difference in knowledge, or even a history of control in a relationship. The mediator’s job is to level the playing field as much as possible. This means ensuring the less powerful party has a chance to speak and be heard, and that their concerns are taken seriously. They might ask clarifying questions to ensure understanding and encourage the more powerful party to explain their reasoning in a way that’s accessible.
- Educating both parties: Explaining the mediation process and their rights can empower the less dominant party.
- Encouraging breaks: Sometimes, a pause can help diffuse tension and allow for reflection.
- Reality testing: Gently questioning extreme proposals from either side can help ground the discussion.
When Mediation May Not Be Appropriate
While mediation is a fantastic tool for many disputes, it’s not a magic wand. There are situations where it’s simply not the best fit, or even safe. If there’s a history of domestic violence, abuse, or severe coercion, mediation might not be suitable. In these cases, the power imbalance is too great, and the safety of one party could be compromised. Similarly, if one party is completely unwilling to negotiate in good faith or is actively trying to manipulate the process, mediation is unlikely to succeed. It requires a baseline level of willingness from both sides to try and find a resolution.
- Domestic Violence: If there’s a documented history of abuse, mediation is generally not recommended unless specific safety protocols are in place and agreed upon by all parties and professionals.
- Lack of Good Faith: If one party is clearly not participating honestly or is using mediation solely to delay or harass the other.
- Severe Mental Incapacity: If a party lacks the mental capacity to understand the process and make informed decisions.
- Criminal Activity: Mediation is typically not used for matters that are primarily criminal in nature.
Resources for Mediation Success
Understanding Mediation Terminology
Navigating the mediation process can feel like learning a new language. Understanding key terms helps you participate more effectively and feel more confident. For instance, ‘caucus’ refers to private meetings a mediator has with each party separately. This is a space where you can speak more freely about your concerns and explore options without the other party present. ‘Self-determination’ is another important concept, meaning you and the other party have the ultimate control over the outcome of your dispute; the mediator doesn’t make decisions for you. Familiarizing yourself with these terms beforehand can significantly reduce anxiety and improve your engagement.
Utilizing Preparation Checklists
Being prepared is half the battle in mediation. A good preparation checklist can guide you through what you need to consider and bring. It typically includes gathering all relevant financial documents, like bank statements, pay stubs, and property deeds, if applicable to your situation. It also prompts you to think about your goals and priorities. What are your must-haves? What are you willing to compromise on? Having these points clearly defined before you walk into the mediation room helps keep the discussion focused and productive. It’s not just about documents; it’s also about preparing yourself emotionally to discuss difficult topics calmly.
Finding Sample Agreement Templates
While every mediation is unique, understanding the structure of a settlement agreement can be helpful. Sample templates provide a framework for the types of issues that are typically addressed and how they are typically worded. You’ll see sections for property division, support arrangements, parenting plans, and other relevant matters. Remember, these are just samples. Your mediator will help you draft an agreement that specifically addresses your situation. It’s wise to review a few examples to get a general idea, but don’t get too attached to any specific wording until you’re in the actual mediation session. The goal is a clear, fair, and enforceable document that both parties can agree to.
Wrapping Things Up
So, we’ve walked through what divorce mediation looks like, from the first chat to shaking hands on an agreement. It’s not always a walk in the park, and sometimes emotions run high, but it’s a real chance to sort things out without a judge making all the calls. Remember, the goal is to find solutions that work for everyone involved, especially if kids are part of the picture. While it might seem tough now, mediation offers a path to a more peaceful resolution and a clearer way forward. It’s about taking control of your future, one conversation at a time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What exactly is mediation?
Mediation is like a guided conversation where a neutral person, called a mediator, helps you and the other person talk through your problems. The mediator doesn’t take sides or make decisions for you. Their job is to help you both communicate better and find your own solutions that you both agree on. It’s a way to solve disagreements without going to court.
How is mediation different from going to court?
Going to court, or litigation, is like a battle where a judge decides who wins and who loses based on strict rules. Mediation, on the other hand, is a cooperative process. You and the other person work together with the mediator to find solutions that work for both of you. It’s usually faster, less expensive, and can help you keep a better relationship with the other person afterward.
What does the mediator do?
The mediator is like a referee for your conversation. They make sure everyone gets a chance to speak and be heard. They help you understand each other’s points of view and can suggest different ways to look at problems. They keep the discussion focused and respectful, but they never tell you what to do or decide who is right.
Do I need a lawyer for mediation?
You don’t always need a lawyer to go to mediation. Many people go without one. However, you can bring a lawyer if you want one. Lawyers can help you understand your legal rights and options, and they can help make sure any agreement you reach is fair and makes sense legally. It’s your choice whether to have one there.
What happens if we can’t agree on anything?
Sometimes, even with a mediator, people can’t reach an agreement. This is called an impasse. If that happens, the mediation might end without a full resolution. However, you might still have made progress in understanding each other better, or you might have agreed on some smaller issues. If you still need to resolve the main issues, you might consider other options like arbitration or going to court.
Is everything said in mediation kept private?
Yes, mediation is usually confidential. This means that what you say during mediation generally can’t be used against you later in court. This rule encourages people to speak more openly and honestly to find solutions. There are a few exceptions, like if someone is planning to harm themselves or others, but for the most part, it’s private.
What should I bring to my mediation session?
It’s a good idea to bring any documents that relate to the problem you’re trying to solve. This could include financial records, important letters, or anything else that helps explain the situation. You should also think about what you want to achieve and what you’re willing to accept. Writing down your main points beforehand can be very helpful.
What happens after we reach an agreement in mediation?
If you and the other person agree on a solution, the mediator will usually help you write it down. This written agreement is called a settlement agreement. It explains exactly what you’ve agreed to. Depending on the situation, this agreement might be legally binding once you both sign it, or it might need to be approved by a court to become official.